


Broken Angel

by crzcorgi



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2017-05-06
Packaged: 2018-10-28 15:21:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10833972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crzcorgi/pseuds/crzcorgi
Summary: Negan and Y/N become fast friends. But is it enough to heal her?





	Broken Angel

She isn't one of my wives. Sure, I fucking asked her to be, not long after she came here to live. 

“You're a nice guy, Negan.” That was definitely not something I was fucking used to hearing. “But, you know, I'm not into the whole 'harem’ thing.” Stretching up on her toes, she pecked my cheek, waltzing off. 

So, we kinda became 'friends’ a fucking new concept to me. Yeah, before the apocalypse I had plenty of male friends, never women. And I certainly don't have any fucking friends of any freaking gender now. Shit like that doesn't work.

I’m not ashamed to admit, that I was fucking taken in by her. She was like nothing I had ever met. Maybe because she was the opposite of me, so happy, carefree, just so fucking good in a world only filled with evil. I needed to be with her, around her. 

She worked the gardens, though she decided on her own to fucking flit around the Sanctuary. 

“I love it out here, Negan, the sun, the warmth, the birds. The smell kinda leaves something to be desired.” And then she would scrunch her nose up in disgust, always making me smile. “But, hey, I'll take what I can get, even if it smells like a skunk with gas crawled up a zombie's ass.” 

 

Making my rounds, I would go out each morning to the garden. She said she preferred mornings because they weren't as hot and the smells weren't as bad. 

“Nice day huh doll?”

“It sure is Negan, smells at a ‘5 out of 10’ , I would say. Although the sounds coming from the fence are a bit more annoying today. Guess it's one or the other.” She looked up at me from under the sunhat I had found for her on a recent run. 

“What are you planting today? A big fucking juicy steak would be nice.” I was always making stupid little jokes like that with her, it always made her laugh, her whole face lit up, so fucking beautiful.

“Oh jeesh, Negan! That's getting old!” 

“Made you fucking laugh though, right?!”

 

Sometimes I would join her for lunch in the mess hall. 

“Doll, did I just see you using some of your points for someone else again? You know that shit doesn't fly here.” 

“Negan, that family has 4 kids and the mom can't work. Leo is doing all he can for his family. They deserve some fresh fruit once in awhile. I'm sorry.”

How could I be mad at her. Shit, she's what's right in this fucked up world.

Some days she would make rounds with me, she made the residents a lot more at ease around me, wasn't sure about that. I told her I needed them to respect me, not to be so fucking familiar.

“It's honestly a good thing Negan. People are much more likely to comply with rules if the ruler is not a tyrant.” She then looked up at me, such a fucking sweet smile on her lips. She began softly rubbing my arm. “You're a good man, Negan, remember that.”

Yeah, sure thing doll. 

Other days I would have to seek her out, sometimes she was in the nursery or schoolroom, she was always so happy doing that. I don't know, maybe she had a family before the fucking end. I just never felt comfortable asking her. 

She also loved helping in the kitchen.

“I hate cooking, you know. But I freaking love to bake!”

“What the fucks the difference doll? It's the same fucking thing.”

“You know, bake, like breads, desserts!” She slapped my chest with a hand covered in flour, laughing her fucking head off.

“Fuck, doll, my jacket! I'm going on a run.” 

She picked up a damp towel, quickly cleaning me off. “Better?” Smiling, she patted my cheek.

“Much, thanks sweetheart.” Sighing, I turned, leaving her but wishing she could come with me. 

She became more than a friend to me, but it just couldn't be. We had an almost silently understanding. 

“Do you ever think about how we might not be alone in the universe?” I had found her on the Sanctuary's roof, watching the stars. 

“Well, if we aren't alone, some government assholes are probably kicking themselves for not fucking funding the space program before the shit hit the fan.”

She rolled over, laying her head on my chest. “Thank you, Negan.”

“Why the fuck you thanking me doll face? Have you been stealing my fucking liquor again?”

Lightly tapping my cheek, she giggled. “No silly, that was one time! And it was for your party!”

“So, why the thanks then?” 

“For all that you do, for me, for the Sanctuary. For all survivors. You are the future, Negan. You are truly a hero.”

“Fuck baby girl, you did dip into something!” I tickled her side, lightly kissing her head. “I'm no fucking hero.”

She looked up at me, those gorgeous eyes sparkling in the moonlight. “You're my hero, Negan. More than you'll ever know.” She leaned up, kissing me softly. “Let's go downstairs, I'm sure one of your wives is missing you.”

“Whatever you say doll.”

 

Then the day came when I couldn't find her. I checked her usual places, the gardens, the kitchen, the kids. I even checked unusual places, the garages, I had seen her there once, fucking making friends with the horny grease monkeys. I hated it, but she let me know in no uncertain terms that I had no fucking right to be upset.

“I don't know why you're upset, Negan, I'm not one of your wives. I work for points, so I am a productive member of the Sanctuary. You have no hold on me.” 

“You need to not be so...so friendly with everyone. Most of those fuckheads only want to bang you baby girl.” She frustrated me to no fucking end.

“That's sweet Negan, but they won't touch me, they know we're friends!” She winked at me, taking ahold of my hand.

I checked the armory, she did go there sometimes for target practice, doll was a fucking crack shot, beat me a few times. 

“Haha!!! I gotcha! Lookie there, a fucking bullseye!” She started dancing around me, coming around to the front, grabbing my hands while swinging our arms. 

“Listen to that fucking mouth on you doll! Woohoo, didn't know you had it in you!” I picked her up, swinging her around. 

“Negan!!!” She squealed, trying to get out of my arms. 

 

Nowhere. How the fuck could she just disappear? I unlocked the door to my room, stepping inside when I noticed a paper on the floor. Picking it up I realized it was a note addressed to me.

My heart started racing. Swallowing hard, a million fucking things going through my mind, I slowly opened the letter.

My dear friend, Negan,

I don't even know where to begin. I knew this day would come, I just thought it would have been a lot sooner. You have made my last few months some of the best in my life. Yeah, even better than before the end of the world, amazing and kinda sad at the same time, huh? 

You made me laugh when I wanted to cry. You made me trust when I thought I could never trust again. You made me enjoy living without being scared, you made me feel safe after years of living in fear. You became my protector, my confidant, my love. 

Yes, I loved you. I know, we said no, just friends, but I couldn't help it. You're everything I ever wanted, every dream I ever had, but it wasn't to be. But I don't, won't, ever regret one moment I spent with you.

Please don't blame yourself, just be that self absorbed asshole everyone thinks you are (but we know better). Just move on. I'm truly in a better place. This isn't the world for me, wasn't before, most certainly isn't now. 

It's hard being broken in a world where you need to be whole. I was doomed from the start. I had hope, for the first time in my life, that I could be fixed, put together whole. You, Negan, you gave me that hope. But unfortunately, I was too broken to fix. Even by my hero.

Continue being that badass, take no fuck, leader that I know you are. And know, that wherever you are, a part of me will always be with you. You know, those moments where you second guess yourself? That'll be me. I'll be that tiny angel on your shoulder.

And whatever you do, don't forget to take the time to smell the flowers and watch those stars.

I love you Negan, my superhero.


End file.
